What does being a good role model even mean?

An essay from someone who's supposed to be one

I don’t recall ever aspiring to become a role model. But for several socio-psychological reasons, it’s often expected from someone who gains a bit of fame.

The word «model» brings a set of visuals into my minds eye that are uncomfortably sterile. Probably because to me, it leaves things out. Things that should not be in the blueprint, the model, the mold - like mistakes and surprises, chaos and confusion. Crucial things that make us human. And then there’s the «role» part. The way people say “you function as a great role model” sounds incredibly performative and honestly exhausting. That is, putting aside the knowledge that most people and their lives are not what they seem.

I much more prefer the term «inspiring», which could refer to only one part of someone, or even only regarding to something they created. Their work ethic is inspiring, or their music; their level of fitness or the way they built their companies or raised their kids, etc.

The term “role model” doesn’t come across inspiring to me at all. It only strikes me as a desire to put someone in a box. Which we all know is impossible. Saying “they live an exemplary life” means in itself absolutely nothing. Any life is an exemplary life, depending on the angle or topic you want to use it for. But even more so; humans are incredibly complex and multi-faceted beings.
In my non-humble opinion -’cause this is my blog- of all the things you should put a person in, a box isn’t one of them. «Role model» to me equals restrain.

Coming from the point of view of someone who has quite the unique privilege and experience of having fans (as a singer), I firmly believe it is unhealthy to completely glorify or idolise another person. It wipes out parts of them, makes them inhumane. I think being intrigued and fascinated by or loving someone are among the most beautiful things we can do though - keep in mind that true love is acknowledging that someone has an ugly side, which we all do, and deciding with a sense of reflection that it’s something you can be okay with or dislike (that’s fine too)! But never wipe out their flaws. Because that is erasing their identity. And that in its turn, is not love.

Asking and expecting a public figure to set a straight A example is partially erasing who they are; people. It’s unfair to want a K-pop star to not do drugs, have no romantic relationships and be a size 0 so you can say “that’s exactly what I look up to and want to be”. If you want to be entertained by a life like that; go ahead and find a novel with that plot. But I can assure you it will be a pretty boring read. Projection is no love. It’s setting a bar you can’t even reach for someone else.

As discussed earlier; no life is exactly what you think it is. All you know is the impression you got. And there is definitely no such thing as “perfect”.
- repeat after me -
Perfection does not exist.
It is a capitalist myth.

Inspiration on the other hand, is all around! Don’t be indifferent; indulge yourself with inspirational moments. Be in awe, let yourself be surprised and feel the flames of new ideas ignite. It’s natural and authentic. Or even better; inspire others. This way we all take our turns in making something beautiful here, together, instead of putting a series of it onto one persons shoulders.
We can collectively bring beauty into the world and make it something we can all be proud of.

✩